Struggling with Insecurities

I guess I don’t usually come across as the vulnerable type unless someone really knows me super well. Like “even though she appears very tough on the outside but she’s very human on the inside” – you know who you are :’) Seems like recently I’ve been struggling with quite a few things that I wish I could get a clue on how things would end. But realistically, if things were this easy to manage, what then is life?

I guess the very first one is my current job at yongen. I don’t really know if this place is suitable for me anymore. On Saturday after I finished bringing the kids on Marina Barrage outing I was so tired and so annoyed by the kids. Probably partly cause I went on the outing alone and had to manage all the things on my own. But after that, when I met huiting (previously interned at the centre), she told me that I’m probably burning out soon. That’s when the truth hits me. Am I really burning out soon? And I really wonder, how long will I be able to last in this sector? I guess that was why all of us were very hesitant before we entered and had to really think through our decisions before diving into it. As much as I love seeing these kids smile and enjoy themselves, some of them really really really get on my nerves as well. What do I do? I’m not very sure yet… I’ll probably find the answer someday. But 
even if I do, I’ve got to serve a 4-year long bond before I can move on to another job (or another sector). Help. 

The second one would be studies. As I researched more into the part time social work degree that I want to commit myself into at uniSIM for the next 3 years, I’m starting to doubt my ability to cope. If plainly working is already so tiring to me, then studying would definitely make it worse. Of course, I miss studying and would definitely wanna learn more about social work, but I’m quite afraid. Everytime I see social workers out there who are so much better and more experienced than me, these people who always seem like they know what to do and which relevant organizations to refer clients to, I have the thirst to become like them. To want to learn more in order to become like them. I know that once I sign up and accept, I will no longer have the chance to turn back. But I really hope I can make it; not just make it, but make the most out of it

Last one. Would be – will we be able to survive through army together? It’s even close to 3 months since you enlisted on the 11th of June. And so far, we’ve been doing so good 🙂 I’m really glad we are, cause I always believed that couples who went through army together is like sticking it out through thick and thin; and the relationship would hold more value for each other. I really want to do it together with you, to walk till the end of this army journey with you and be proud on the day of ORD to say that we’ve walked through it together 🙂 I really want this day to come, and I really hope we would be able to 🙂 
And yay, field camp ending in two days. Really hope you’re doing well 🙂 

Well, having said so much, I don’t really know what will happen in future and I don’t really know what I’m gonna do with it yet. But if I can embrace it with a positive attitude and with faith that I can do it, it’s half the battle won, isn’t it? 


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